I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
