Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
