just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You may now shotgun with the bride
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
