She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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