i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
