DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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