A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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