Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
