We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
