we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
