his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
