1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
