He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
