Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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