Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
