Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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