im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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