Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Come see our sink grown plant.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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