Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
