i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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