this beer tastes like vomit already
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
