Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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