i barfeds in our rink
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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