Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
