dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
