she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
