Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
