When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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