yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
