okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
