If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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