I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
