I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
