Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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