1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize