just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
