I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
