it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize