I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
