I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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