Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
