Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
