There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
