i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
