i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
