We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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