You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we're making bets on your personal life
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dear god my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
