hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
