Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
