idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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