dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize