I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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