Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
