The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize