Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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