Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
