Don't you send me to vm
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
