Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
