maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
