I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
