bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
