I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
