4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
