why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
