No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
