I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
