I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
