He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I smell like Dick and happiness
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
