i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
