So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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