I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
