I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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