Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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