There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
