no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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